A Lot of Nerve

Stevie Long — A Lot of Nerve — Uploaded

So, I’m 8 years old in CCD. I don’t know what that means to this day, but it’s for poor kids who can’t go to Catholic school. [audience laughter] I have recently learned what the word genital means [audience chuckle] because of my best friend, Joe Walsh. So, I’m sitting there thinking about how I can use this word, and I can’t think of any better place than Catholic after-school programming. [audience chuckle] So, the teacher is in front of us, and he’s constantly saying, ​“Our Father,” ​“He, our God.” And I ask– I raise my hand slowly, waiting for my turn– ​“How do we know that God has genitals?” [audience laughter]

“Yeah, you’ve got a lot of nerve, kid,” is what my teacher responds. ​“We don’t know that God has genitals. God is just it.” So, I remain silent, coloring my Moses picture. [audience laughter] Until he says something again as ​“Our Father.” And I say, ​“Aha.” And then I’m escorted out into the hallway. [audience laughter] As I’m sitting there, I’m thinking of my father coming down the hallway, who in about 30 minutes is supposed to pick me up, who’s always been a big fan of me having nerve. But as I’m sitting out there with crayons that I refuse to give back to the teacher, [audience chuckle] I see my father and his tie strolling down the hallway. And I’m coming up with a million different stories to tell him why I’m out there. And, when he gets in front of me, looming, I just announce ​“I said genitals in class.” [audience laughter] I can’t describe his face. It just was a question mark. [audience laughter] 

The teacher asked him to come inside. They have a conversation. To this day, I don’t know what was said. But he comes back out and he says, ​“That was a fair question. [cheers and applause] Please don’t say genitals anymore.” [audience laughter] I’m glad you guys think that’s funny. [audience chuckle] So, later on in life, I sort of lose some of my nerve and my confidence that I had as a kid. And I moved from my home state of Iowa, and I come down here to New Orleans working with Habitat for Humanity after Katrina. [cheers and applause] And I start to realize that maybe I am more attracted to people with the same genitals as me [audience chuckle] than the opposite.

So, my father, I very much respect. And one of the hardest things I had to do was build up nerve to tell him this reality. And I sent one email without any response. And I sent another email with not much of a response. And then I thought to myself, ​“I am an adult. I’ve fallen in love. This is something I need to say.” So, I sit down in Iowa after taking a flight because, yeah, I’d have to get there first. [audience laughter] And I tell him the reality of the situation, which he does not respond well to. And I say things that I regret, like, ​“You’re so stupid. I don’t know how you could be this naive to not understand that this is important to me.” And things flare up and I say, ​“I love someone with the same genitals as me. You’re going to have to get the fuck over it.” [audience reaction] And then silence falls upon the conversation. And I realize that I have to build up the nerve to say, ​“I’m sorry” in that moment. And not sorry for who I am, but enough nerve to say, ​“I’m sorry for backing you into this corner and being mean.” Because, as right as I feel, I know that how I’ve acted is wrong. So, after that silence, I told him that I knew he was scared, I knew it was a big unknowing for him, but this was important to me. Things calmed down and he said, ​“I love you. Please don’t say genitals anymore.”