Almost Famous

Molly Cameron - Almost Famous

Hi, everyone. Huh, okay. So, my best friend Andrea used to live in this big house in Boston with this band called Pretty and Nice. Now, I am obsessed with this band. The second I heard their music, I started going to all their New York shows and quickly turned into a bit of a superfan. But I’m also friends with them. So, I really just like to think that if I were in the movie Almost Famous, which I like to believe I always am, [audience chuckle] I would be like the Penny Lane to their Stillwater. So, one night in this giant house, I’m rifling through Andrea’s crazy closet and I find this crazy pink and white terry cloth short shorts romper. And, having been full of vodka, I immediately put it on. [audience chuckle] 

Andrea immediately takes out her camera. And I just thought it was so hilarious because it was so short that my butt cheeks were just escaping. [audience chuckle] But she’s just taking pictures and she was on this kick. She’s a really great photographer and she was on this kick of trying to capture midair jumps. [audience chuckle] So, I’m jumping around the entire house in this romper, and she was, like, getting all these great pictures of me in midair. So, about two months later, we’d almost forgotten about this. She develops the roll of film, and her roommate Jeremy, who’s also the lead singer of this band, sees these pictures and says that they are so awesome. He wants them to be the basis for the cover of their next album. [audience laughter] And I just flipped the fuck out. I was like, ​“Are you kidding me?” He might as well have said that I was going to be on a billboard next to the Hollywood sign. This was the peak.

So, they talk to their label and the label decides that Andrea can handle the actual cover art, but they would like to do a press shoot. And they contact this guy, Brett, who had just done a shoot for a little band called the Shins, and he was conveniently in Brooklyn. And they also wanted me to be in this press shoot. So, every day that we got closer to the shoot, I was getting more and more excited. I was like, ​“Yeah, press shoot. I know how this is going to be. It’s going to be like a big white studio. There’s going to be all these lights and maybe a fan and the label will bring champagne and a fruit platter because that’s what labels do. [audience chuckle] And I was the only girl involved.” So, I was like, ​“Oh, there’ll be a makeup artist. I’ll have all these outfits, and it’ll just be like a big crazy party.” And all I could think of was Alicia Silverstone in the Aerosmith video. [audience laughter] Like, she wasn’t in the band, but she was an icon because of that. And I was like their muse.

And what if we were in Rolling Stone magazine and I got to be on the road with them, and maybe I could play tambourine, and maybe I’d get a movie deal? [audience laughter] So, this was going to be my big break. So, the day finally comes, and I follow the directions to this place, meet up with the guys. It’s Jeremy, this other guitarist, Holden, and the drummer, Bobby. We’re in Greenpoint, [audience chuckle] and we all followed the directions to this address. And we meet Brett in his one-bedroom basement apartment. [audience chuckle] So, he’s the exact opposite of how I imagined him to be. He’s got, like, long, crazy hair. He’s really quiet. And just the interaction of hellos is so weird that I’m just uncomfortable. [audience chuckle] And he offers us some beers. And, even though it’s 11:00 AM, I accept because I’m slowly realizing this is the closest thing I’m probably going to get to the champagne and the fruit platter. [audience chuckle] 

So, we change into our outfits. The guys get to wear, like, skinny jeans and ironic T‑shirts. And I put on the romper, [audience laughter] plus a fuzzy hat, giant sunglasses, and white pumps, because there’s no fashion director. It’s these four-hipster man-boys. [audience laughter] So, we do these awkward test shots in his backyard, and then Brett says he wants to get a nature vibe going. So, we all pile in the car and we go to Prospect Park. And I was actually feeling a little more optimistic. So, I was like, ​“Okay, this is going to be sunshine and grass, and maybe it’ll be fun. It’ll be fun.” But we get there, and we immediately hike into the woods, and we’re all helping him carry his gear, and we’re walking. I’m still in the romper, too, [audience chuckle] walking for what seems like two miles in Prospect Park.

Whenever you’re walking, it feels like you’re there for miles and miles. But he stops in the middle of this hiking trail, and he’s like, ​“This is the spot. We’re going to recreate the jump here.” I was like, ​“Okay, I guess so.” So, the guys just get to stand there and look cool. And he wants me to jump repeatedly, over and over in many different places, all around them, [audience chuckle] just again and again in this romper. Now, at this point, I had hit the peak of performance anxiety. [audience chuckle] 

This was nothing like the fun drunken night I had with Andrea. And it was certainly nothing like the idea of glamour I had for this whole photoshoot. I was in the woods. It was totally quiet, and I was really sober. [audience laughter] And, because it was a hiking trail, there were people walking by, [audience laughter] and there was no way that I could hide these butt cheeks coming out. Every time I landed, my white pumps were sinking into the soil. And I was just trying really hard to land and look natural or even sexy. [audience laughter] But it was probably the most unnatural, unsexy thing I had ever done. And, by the time that shoot was over, I was just so happy to get out of that romper.

And so, a couple months later, the photos got released, the album came out, and it did get on a few websites and indie magazines, but nothing like a huge billboard. And I was actually grateful because, every time I look at those photos, I just feel awkward all over again. And it makes me wonder, like, why we tried to recreate something that was just a drunken inspiration anyway, and just recreate it over and over. And it makes me think, like, how the cast of Jersey Shore must be feeling [audience laughter] because they’re doing that. But I feel like it was crazy of me to think that is what was going to make me famous. And if I ever am famous someday, I really hope that the People magazine fact-checkers don’t recognize me behind the big hat and sunglasses. Thank you.