An Unplanned Exhibition

Jennifer Sodini — An Unplanned Exhibition

I was living in Pittsburgh at the time. And– [chuckles] yeah, dangerous, I know. [audience chuckle] And I lived in a very small apartment building, and I lived on the top floor, and it was my apartment in the apartment of a man named Gary. I didn’t know Gary very well. He just seemed like a typical Pittsburgh dude. He had a girlfriend, maybe I never saw her. He had, like, what’s it called? Like, Friars Club roasts DVDs show up a lot. That’s really all I knew about him. [audience chuckle] The second floor were two more apartments with a clear glass door. And the bottom is a basement. Two apartments, in the basement, a garage. And then all the way across the garage, there was the laundry room. Huh.

Now, at the time, I was working a lot of different jobs, going from one job to the next. I had an internship, and then I worked as a waitress. And I was running very late one day, and so, pull into the garage in my car, throw my uniform, which was still in my car from the night before, into the wash, run up to my apartment. I’m thinking, ​“Okay, here’s what I could do. I could either go all, you know– change my clothes, put on pants and a shirt, go all the way back downstairs, through the garage to the laundry room, get my clothes, then run all the way back upstairs to my apartment, change, and then go all the way back downstairs to my car, drive to work as a waitress.” And I thought, ​“No, here’s what I’m going to do. Put on my underwear and undershirt. I’m going to sprint down the stairs, [audience laughter] through the garage, into the laundry room, put the fresh warm clothes right from the dryer, get in my car and leave. This is going to save minutes. It’s brilliant.” [audience laughter] 

And then, then I think, ​“Wait a second, Jennifer, this sounds like one of those stories where you’re going to really embarrass yourself.” [audience chuckle] And then I thought, ​“Wait, no, because I thought that nothing is going to happen.” [laughter and applause] So, underwear on, out the door, third floor, lock the door. I am on the landing between the third floor and the second floor, and I hear the buzzer ring. Now, like I said, this is a clear glass door. So, whoever is on the second floor, ring the buzzer, is going to see me. Fine, crisis averted. Run back upstairs. Huh, I hear Gary [audience holler and laugh] coming out of his apartment. [audience chuckle] So, now I have to make a choice. ​“In my underwear, [audience laughter] do I run upstairs, fumble with my keys as Gary just inexplicably sees me in my underwear trying to get back into my apartment, or do I sprint past the unknown person at the door?” [audience laughter]

Obvious choice, right? Sprint past the person in front of the glass. [audience laughter] I mean, this sounds like minutes. This is like seconds. And so, I run down the stairs, past the door in my underwear, get to the downstairs, and I look up, and I see a woman who actually kind of looks a little bit like me, kind of my same shape, same hair color. And I look at her and I give her the best, ​“Life’s [beep sound] weird. [audience laughter] Sometimes you see someone run by in their underwear,” and she looks down at me and there is a look of murder on her face. [audience chuckle] And I realize that must be Gary’s girlfriend. [hollering, cheers and applause] 

So, in her eyes, what happened was she rings the doorbell, [cheers and applause] and a girl in her underwear sprints by, looks up, and keeps on going. [audience laughter] And I just thought, ​“How is Gary possibly going to explain this?” [audience laughter] She’s going to say, ​“Gary, I rang the door. Who was that girl in her underwear sprinting from the top floor?” ​“What are you talking about, honey?” ​“What do you mean, what am I talking about? There’s just girls sprinting around your apartment.” I did get to work on time, [audience laughter] but I did not come home for three days after. Thank you, guys.