I Was Not Her Real Dad

When I was 26 years old, I fell in love with a woman who was eight years older than I was. She had just divorced an abusive man, and there was rumors that she had issues with alcohol. So, this was not a good recipe for a healthy relationship, but I was in love and I moved in with her. 

To complicate things, she had two daughters, 12 and 14 years old. The first thing the youngest daughter, Bridget, said to me the day I moved in was, ​“My real dad is going to kick your ass.” [audience laughter] I shrugged that off. I figured the mother would take care of the daughters and I would have not much to do with them kids. But almost right away, these paternal instincts just kicked in, and I’d get so I would want to help them with their homework, or if boys came around, I’d get really protective. I was feeling fatherly there. 

The older girl, she was very independent. No problems at all with her. But this younger girl, Bridget, she terrorized me. [audience laughter] She’d call me names. She’d call me buttmunch all the time. [audience laughter] She’d come up behind me, and hit me in the back as hard as she could and then run off. But I always figured that maybe it’s just an act. And then, maybe deep down, she had a good heart. [audience laughter]

Well, as time went on, the mother relapsed into some alcohol issues, so this interfered with her parental skills. The father was a deadbeat, and he had drinking issues as well. So, I looked at this Bridget, and I’m thinking poor kid. And so, I’d do stuff. I bought her a guitar, guitar lessons. I’d go to her school programs and clap for her, trying to do what I could. But all through this, she still treated me just like crap. But I thought, well, it’s not that bad, because at least she’s on the right track. But in the long run, maybe I wasn’t doing so good there, because after a while, she started skipping classes. She got busted for shoplifting. Eventually, she was starting to use drugs. It didn’t look good for Bridget. 

One day, the older sister called me when I was at work, and she said, ​“Bridget’s been arrested, and mom is not in any condition to handle the situation.” So, I rushed over to the police station, and juvenile officer told me that Bridget had gotten into a fight with another girl and that Bridget had pulled out a knife. They brought me back to this room back there where she was sitting. As soon as she saw me, she said, ​“Get him out of here. He’s not my real dad.” So, they brought me back out to the front. They said, ​“Yeah, technically, you’re not the legal guardian, so get out.” 

Well, I went home and I looked around and I thought, what the hell am I doing here? So, I didn’t love the mother for a long time. Bridget hated my guts. And I wasn’t her father. Right then, I decided people don’t change. If you try to help them change, you’re only going to waste your own life. Within 24 hours, I was packed up and I was gone. I cut off all communications with them. 

There’s a little more to the story. 10 years later, I’m living here in Houston, got a whole new life. About the time Facebook came out, I joined. And right off the bat, I get this message, and it’s from Bridget. She said that she’d been trying to find me for years and that she said, ​“Call me right away. It’s very important.” And she had her phone number there. I looked at her Facebook page here. She’s a realtor. She volunteers for all these community projects. She changed? I was wrong. 

So, I called the number and hear her voice, all these memories flooding back. She said that all through her childhood that I was the only one who really gave her much time and effort. She said when she changed that I was her role model for that. And she said, ​“I met this really great guy.” She said, ​“He reminds me of you.” And she said, ​“I want you to come, give me away at my wedding ceremony next month.” And I said, hell, yeah, I’ll do it. [audience laughter] And I said, but why aren’t you asking your real dad? And she said, ​“I am.” Thank you.