Learning to Sail

So, I’m in Burlington, Vermont. I’m heading out for a run on the bike path where it turns into the causeway out onto Lake Champlain. And it’s cold and miserable, but I am desperate to shake off this anxiety that I have, because I have to sleep on this boat tonight. I am not far from where my friends are, where I’m staying. I’d been coming up there quite a lot, mostly right after I had left the family home and left my husband of 25 years. 

Going to Vermont became like a respite, because I had such tension keeping the secret of my marriage that was failing. And in Vermont, I could sit on their porch, look at the water, just relax and breathe. So, this trip, I’m actually taking a sailing course where I’m going to be spending the entire week living on board this boat. I have claustrophobia. 6 o’clock, I suck it up and I head on down to the harbor. 

I go in, and these couple of guys are scurrying around, picking up these parcels with overflowing groceries. We trudge out to the boat. It’s dark and rainy. We shove everything away. Right away, I say, ​“Guys, it’s okay. I am going to sleep in the saloon tonight.” That’s the middle area that’s between the cabins, and the ceiling is a little bit higher. So, I’m hopeful. The next time I open my eyes, I’d slept through the night. I was so happy. And the sun was shining. 

So, meanwhile, I really didn’t ask a whole lot of questions about this trip. I am on this boat, me and these two middle-aged men. The other student is the chef from Toronto. And right off, he starts making these lewd comments. But I am ignoring Dennis, [audience chuckle] because the other guy is tall and lean, [audience laughter] and his looks and his competence on the boat was the most ridiculously sexy combination — [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] — that I could possibly imagine. [audience laughter] His name was Errol. [audience laughter] Every morning, we would have some kind of lesson, navigation, trimming the sails, and then we would go out and we would sail for the whole afternoon in the wind and the sun and we would find a quiet cove to anchor at night. I felt such freedom that I hadn’t felt in a long time. 

So, it was maybe the third night, and we’re out on the deck, the three of us, and it’s cold. Errol grabs a blanket and throws it over him and me. [audience laughter] And then, we’re holding hands. [audience holler] And my body [audience laughter] is responding. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] 

So, Dennis had discreetly gone below. And in quite short order, Errol and I had gone below into his tiny cabin, which by the way, the walls are about as thick as a sheet. [audience laughter] He is fumbling for a condom, which he promptly loses. [audience laughter] And I hear, ​“Oh, crap, that was the only one I had.” And I say, ​“I don’t care.” [audience laughter] And he says, ​“Aren’t you worried about getting pregnant?” And I’m thinking, he has no idea how old I am. [audience laughter] 

That sex [audience laughter] was the first time in at least five years, and 25 years since I had sex with a man other than my husband. [audience cheers and applause] 

It was a week of adventure. [audience laughter] I mean, the physicality of learning how to handle this boat, and the absolute magic of traveling and living on the water, and reconnecting with feelings that had been shut down after a lot of not-so-happy years in my marriage, that was a week I reclaimed my life. Thank you.